It’s Time to Stop Saying 'It’s Okay' When It’s Not"

Dear Wifey Reader,

How are you doing today? I hope you're not just running around for everyone else but also taking a minute for yourself (because we both know how that can go). And, of course, I trust you're loving on your spouse and kids, but let me tell you a little story that might hit home.

So, picture this: Growing up in a strict Christian home, with my dad always out and about, it was just us, my mom, and a house help. Our house was like a mini army camp—no, I’m not exaggerating. My dad didn’t want us out and about; he was all about "stay indoors, stay safe."

But I loved playing with the neighbors’ kids. And there was this one girl—oh my days, she was everything I wanted to be. Bold, confident, with this long, bouncy hair that you’d see in the shampoo commercials. You know, the kind of girl who looked like she had her own wind machine. And me? I was the shy, quiet one, always in the background, too scared to speak up. My parents? Nope, no room for conversation—when they scolded you, it was the end of the debate (or should I say there wasn’t even a debate?).

One day, I decided to channel my inner Beyoncé and try to be bold like my friend. Oh, honey, the slap that followed! Let’s just say every African wife knows exactly what I’m talking about. And just like that, my boldness retired early. 🙈

Fast forward to marriage. I was taught that marriage was a good thing—and it is! But here's the twist: I thought respecting my marriage meant I had to stay quiet when my spouse did things that hurt me. So every time he apologized, I’d say, “It’s okay.” But guess what? It wasn’t. It wasn’t okay.

I swept a whole lot of things under the rug. Rude words? It’s okay. Leaving me behind when he was angry? It’s okay. The little things that made me feel less-than? Yup, “It’s okay.” But was it really okay? NOPE. I was trying to keep the peace, but instead, I let the storm keep brewing. And girl, let me tell you, that storm will hit if you keep saying “It’s okay.”

And you know what happens when we sweep too much under the rug? That bump under the rug gets so big we trip over it. And when we fall, it wont be nice!

So here’s what I learned:

• It’s okay to say, “This is not okay.”

• It’s okay to say, “We need to talk about this.”

• It’s okay to ask, “Should we get some help for this?”

Because here’s the truth: if you keep pretending everything is fine when it’s not, you’re building a house on sand. And when the wind blows, well... you know how that story ends.

So let me ask you, Wifey: Are you tired of tripping over the things you’ve swept under the rug? Are you ready to start speaking up for your heart, your peace, and your marriage? If you are, don’t wait until the house shakes. It’s time to talk. It’s time to take action.

Reach out with the link on the welcome message, Let’s have a conversation. I’ve been there, and trust me, it gets better when you stop saying “It’s okay” and start saying, “Let’s fix this.”

You’ve got this.

Until next time, Wifey! Keep loving yourself enough to speak up.

Your friend

Mrs. O